MANIFESTO
It just a JEU !
No roadmap. No utility. No apologies. Just JEU. The markets don't need another whitepaper—they need a legend. And here he is, walking the runway of destiny in a suit made of green candles.
PARIS • LUNDI 1 JANVIER 2024MÉTÉO: MOONY 🌙ÉDITION Nº 1
LE JEU
La Chronique de JEU
● BREAKING: LOCAL MAN SELLS KIDNEY FOR $JEUTRON, SAYS "WORTH IT"● SCIENTISTS CONFIRM: GRAVITY IS JUST JEU PULLING THE EARTH● PARIS FASHION WEEK: "GREEN CANDLES ARE THE NEW BLACK"● ELON MUSK ASKS: "CAN I BUY A BAG?" JEU SAYS: "MAYBE"● BREAKING: LOCAL MAN SELLS KIDNEY FOR $JEUTRON, SAYS "WORTH IT"● SCIENTISTS CONFIRM: GRAVITY IS JUST JEU PULLING THE EARTH● PARIS FASHION WEEK: "GREEN CANDLES ARE THE NEW BLACK"● ELON MUSK ASKS: "CAN I BUY A BAG?" JEU SAYS: "MAYBE"● BREAKING: LOCAL MAN SELLS KIDNEY FOR $JEUTRON, SAYS "WORTH IT"● SCIENTISTS CONFIRM: GRAVITY IS JUST JEU PULLING THE EARTH● PARIS FASHION WEEK: "GREEN CANDLES ARE THE NEW BLACK"● ELON MUSK ASKS: "CAN I BUY A BAG?" JEU SAYS: "MAYBE"● BREAKING: LOCAL MAN SELLS KIDNEY FOR $JEUTRON, SAYS "WORTH IT"● SCIENTISTS CONFIRM: GRAVITY IS JUST JEU PULLING THE EARTH● PARIS FASHION WEEK: "GREEN CANDLES ARE THE NEW BLACK"● ELON MUSK ASKS: "CAN I BUY A BAG?" JEU SAYS: "MAYBE"● BREAKING: LOCAL MAN SELLS KIDNEY FOR $JEUTRON, SAYS "WORTH IT"● SCIENTISTS CONFIRM: GRAVITY IS JUST JEU PULLING THE EARTH● PARIS FASHION WEEK: "GREEN CANDLES ARE THE NEW BLACK"● ELON MUSK ASKS: "CAN I BUY A BAG?" JEU SAYS: "MAYBE"
Cover Story • The Enigma
WHO ISJEU?
He appeared out of nowhere, smelling of old money and fresh ink. Some say he owns the printer. Others say he is the printer.JEU is not just a man; he is a market movement wrapped in a suit. The charts bow. The whales whisper his name. And you? You're still reading.
Expansion & Corruption
STRATEGIC PARTNERSHIPS
We don't shake hands. We shake markets. Here is who we are currently manipulating—I mean, collaborating with.
THE FEDERAL RESERVE
Official PrinterThey print the paper. We provide the value. A match made in inflation heaven.
MARS CASINO
Pending ApprovalExclusive rights to the first slot machines on the Red Planet. KYC (Know Your Crater) required.
THE ILLUMINATI
Junior ChapterWe're currently in talks to manage their pension fund. They seem nice.
YOUR LANDLORD
AcquiredWe bought your building. Rent is now payable exclusively in $JEUTRON.
La Culture
Review
"Waiting for Season 2": A Tragic Play in Three Acts
By Jean-Michel Bagholder
The curtain opens on a bare stage, illuminated only by the cold, harsh light of a computer monitor. Our protagonist, Anon, sits in a Herman Miller chair he can no longer afford, staring at a chart that hasn't moved in six weeks.
The dialogue is minimal. "WAGMI," he whispers into the void. The void whispers back: "Sir, this is a Wendy's." It is a harrowing exploration of the human condition (and leverage). The audience left in tears—mostly because they checked their own portfolios during intermission.
Verdict: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5 Stars). A masterpiece of speculative fiction.
Books
The Great Rug Pull: A Memoir
Summary: The author promised 500 pages of alpha. The book contains 500 blank pages and he disappeared with the advance.
Exhibition
NFTs: Nothing For This
Artist XCOPY-CAT displays 10,000 identical generated images of a rock. One sold for $4M. The rest are free. Can you spot the difference? (Hint: There isn't one).
Poem of the Day
Roses are red,
Candles are green,
I sold my house,
For a meme.
La Culture
GASTRONOMY
JEU Spotted Dining on Literal Moon Rocks at Michelin Gala
The waiter asked if he wanted it rare or medium. JEU demanded 'Parabolic'. The chef has since retired.
CULTURE
Art & Scandal: JEU Whispers Alpha to the Mona Lisa
Louvre security claims she smiled wider after hearing his portfolio allocation. Da Vinci unavailable for comment.
"L'élégance, c'est le refus de vendre."
JEU JEU JEU
"I don't follow trends. I liquidated them."
The IconWHO IS
WHO IS
HE, REALLY?
He is the reason your stop-loss triggered. He is the shadow in the order book. JEU is not merely a trader; he is the Concept of Liquidity given form.
Rumor has it he once shorted a country and bought it back for a discount just to install a bidet in the presidential palace. His portfolio contains assets that haven't even been invented yet.
Known Associates: The Bogoff Twins, Saminamina Ethereal, and a mysterious dev known only as "Steve".
∞Net Worth
0F**ks Given
1Jeu